New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
