im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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