After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Randomize
