I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
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so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
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FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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