I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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