My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
