watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
