we're blogging at a bar
You really coming over, don't trick.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
