he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
