It's Friday. Sex?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
