Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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