kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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