Porn is love you can see.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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