Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
