ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
