If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
