Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
this is an emotional support booty call
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize