Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
