I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You just made me feel so damn special
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
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If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
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Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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