Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
