As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
