I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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