Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
