I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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