They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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