it wasn't lemon gatorade
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
