She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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