Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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