you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
