Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
