My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
