Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
