Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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