I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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