At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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