I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This is my gift to your gina
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
