He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
