Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
