I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
