we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize