i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
