Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
