Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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