phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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