I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
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Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
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I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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