I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
