My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
