I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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