i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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