her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Mom said you looked used
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
