Whod you bang
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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