his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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