and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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