Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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