FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
