Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
