I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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