it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
