Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
