Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
