good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize