Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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