no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You ruined the universe
Randomize
