Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
