No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
