Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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