Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
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You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
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She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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