Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
