woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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