I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
