As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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