I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
