I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize