I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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