Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
