What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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