there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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