New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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