He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
