nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
